I'm tired. I really am. My parents just want a perfect daughter, unlike me. Whatever i do, however i may change, they won't notice it. Everything i do, even if it's right, to them, it's wrong. My auntie told me to change my attitude cos' it was getting from bad to worse. I tried my best to change it 'nd i'd managed to change a bit. I don't throw tantrums when i wake up in the morning, i don't get argue back with my parents that often anymore, i speak to them nicely. Well, i guess that they just didn't see the change. They never notice anything i do except for the bad ones. Last year in p5, i topped the class for english. When i reached home, i told my motehr the good news. She just told me not to brag about it. She still told me to improve on my chinese. She doesn't care about the subject i'm good in. Does she even know the subject i'm good in? I doubt so. I really do.

She always tests my patience with the same questions over 'nd over again. Like, '' you got boyfriend a not? Sure? '' It's irrtating. I try very hard to not shout back at them but i always fail to. She herself should know that i'm not good at controlling my temper, just like her. But she must always do this. Now, even my father asks questions concerning this. She always told me not to come back being pregnant. Does she really think that i'm that kind of person? If so, i'm no different from being a prostitude. She told my auntie to lock the computer cos' i always play it. She said that i use the computer too much. Since she likes to compare so much, compare me with those who use the computer for the whole day. There's a huge difference. I can also only use the computer for a maximum of fifteen minutes at her house. This is no different from being in jail. She told me to go 'nd have a haircut. I went with her to the salon to have one 'nd now i have this kuku hairstyle. I didn't blame her for this. My sister cries. My mother comes 'nd blames me for it even when sometimes, it's not my fault. She doesn't care.

Why. Why must she do all these things to me? I just quarrelled wth her over the sickening selections of the secondary schools. She herself should know that my score can't bring me into any girls' school. She still wants to try. Yesterday, she still told me that i need not go to a girls' school.
Why the sudden change? She still wants to try twice some more. The aggregate scores for the girls' schools nearby 'nd my score have a huge difference. Why can't she just accept the fact that i'm not like huisian who got 256? Just because my aunties 'nd her mainly went to girls' schools, she wants me to go to one too. Hey, this is so not some kind of tradition okay. Other peoples' mothers let their children choose the school they want to go to. So why cant i? I want to go to bowen. Unlike peicai, it's not a lan school, mind you. So just stop saying that it is. It's just an average school. Don't compare me with my neighbour either. He plays every single day. He screams a his parents every night. Do you want me to be like him? If you do, i can grant your wish. I can even become more rebellious. Do you want that?

If she wants to try to let me go into girls' schools, just go ahead 'nd do it. I wouldn't care less anymore. If i don't go to those schools which are in my six choices, i shall blame her. She was the cause of my misery. I've kind of forgotten about him already. But everytime she makes me devastated, he comes to my mind. She just screamed at me just now, saying that i can choose any school i want to go to 'nd that you won't care anymore. I didn't even shout at you just now 'nd here you are, screaming at me. Now even my father sides with my mother. I seriously have nothing to say. They never noticed my talents. To them, i'm just a ragdoll that they can vent their angry on. They tear me apart when they're furious. I've never cried so hard for so many years. But now, you made me do so. And to add fuel to the fire, i also thought about him. She told me not to slit right? Ye, i didn't. I basically just scratched my freaking legs until they bleed 'nd knocked my head on the wall. I am obeying your orders. But i doubt that you even noticed ..

Forget it. Just forget it. Since you always see me as an ah lian because i often put my fringe down, the way i talk 'nd also because of my fashion sense, you might as well just abandon me on the streets. You just need my good little sister whose attitude is worse than mine for a child at her age, if you hadn't noticed. I'm tired. I seriously am .. You make me think of death again. I just hope that you're happy .. Tell me what's the meaning of life, will you?

Just kill me 'nd my biggest wish will be fulfilled,